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As I Dream
As I dream; held in sleeps sweet
embrace
abruptly I'm awoken by a most fearsome voice.
An invisible grasp holds me tight where I lay;
my heart racing
with panic, as riddles it speaks:
"You know me well; though never formally met,
our relationship grows with
each foul deed.
Though you owe me nothing; to me, you're in debt.
Many warnings I give, but you take no heed."
A
dream within a dream? A nightmare this is!
"Leave me now, Daemon, for you are not real.
When I awake... you will be
but a blur!"
The voice pierces my ears; wicked and shrill:
"Deny me, you may, but to my charm you are drawn.
The
river of remorse coursing through your veins...
this pain I create; but in you, it does spawn.
though I am the cause;
with you lies all blame."
"I dismiss your words; these lies I ignore!"
Thoughts of insanity race through my
mind.
"You STILL deny me?" in disbelief it shrieks.
"Are you so ignorant? Are you so blind?"
It draws a
blade; grasping firm to the hilt...
with merciless fury, my soul it impales.
I realize with horror, as the truth it
reveals:
This Daemon; my conscience, it's blade is my guilt.
The Awakening
Alone
I lay...
staring into the emptiness which surrounds me.
My mind clouded, overwhelmed by deliberations
of life;
lifelessness.
Sadness and longing fill the abyss where once
I felt my soul. I now see through the masks of
those around me, hiding behind their shields;
their false sense of security in a decadent world.
Is
this an awakening? or an attempt to deceive
me... to draw me into their tarnished lives.
Fallen
Beautiful
Angel once pure and bright,
fell from Heaven one storm raged night.
Eyes that shown like diamonds rare,
luminous
stars danced through her hair.
Alas; sweet Angel; lost and confused,
led astray by a Daemon; veiled Muse.
Beguiled
by his words; ever sweet...
her heart she gave, to lay at his feet.
Fallen Angel; so trusting and kind,
knew
not the evil her Muse had in mind.
Her soul he thieved; without a care.
Her innocence he stripped; left her bare.
Passions
lust hers, but at what cost?
By mortal sins her Heavens home lost.
In a web of deceit the Angel was caught.
With
earthly pleasure; her damnation bought.
Redemption comes but a little too late,
as she mournfully
weeps at Heavens locked gate.
Eternal heartache desire now brings...
to the Fallen Angel with tarnished wings.
Ironic
So
young and naive; but a mere child.
A beautiful mask hides her sad face.
Innocence lost as her body's defiled.
To
flee abuse she leaves with no trace.
The one to save her is not what he seems.
Isn't it ironic? Lives uncanny
glitch...
by her rescuers hand, he ends her dreams;
as broken and soiled, she now lies in a ditch.
In horror
the townspeople ask who's to blame.
The officer replies "It's too soon to know."
"Who is this child? What is her name?"
The
coroner replies "We call her Jane Doe."
As they show me photos; the mystery now ends...
I say "Her name was
Naomi, my sister; my friend."
Below is a link to the AMW (Americas Most Wanted) site. They came to me in the
early 90's and did a story hoping to catch her killer, and they did. She laid in an umarked grave in Pendleton, Or. for many
years with a marker saying "Jane Doe". The people of the town took care of it the whole time. She was shown more care and
compassion from total strangers in death than from her actual family
in life. Pretty sad.
http://www.google.ca/search?q=cache:Wgx2T_q1R0IJ:www.amw.com/site/thisweek/cox_vote.html+%22Naomi+Mcmahill%22&hl=en
Johns
Sonnet
Insufferable Ideals we strive to live by,
who are you to say how my life should be?
Perched
high on your altar, judgemental; wry...
ignoring your faults as you look down on me.
To live as we choose...
our given right?
"Of course!" you say, with disingenuous zeal.
Fully aware of your self righteous plight...
your
blatant hypocrisy holds no appeal.
You think me wicked; my thoughts differ from yours.
You call me transgressor,
as I live my own way.
The truth, my friend, we're all but mere whores,
our actions we're paid for at the end of the
day.
As you sit and judge me, keep one thing in mind:
the one to judge you... may be even less kind.
My
"Preyer"
Your tangled words spin webs of deceit...
you bind me tight with your silken thread.
Your intricate
design is now complete.
My body you desecrate and leave for dead.
To reclaim my life I desperately fight,
but
in your grasp, you know I'll stay.
You watch as I suffer, with morbid delight.
On my languor; you relentlessly prey.
My
misery feeds you, my energy you take.
My thoughts now form in shades of grey.
My body now numb, I no longer ache...
as
my emotions fade and slip away.
With you, I'll die, in this foul abyss...
as my life you take, with a poison
kiss.
This was written shortly after my mom died. 2 weeks
before she went into the hospital, she called me and was crying. She asked me to come give her a hug, though she said it jokingly,
I knew she needed it, but I live 1600 miles away. I didn't tell my dad or sister. They could have given her that hug for me.
I just thought she was having a bad day. It was an abusive relationship, but only involved 1 person, me. I was the abuser.
My "Preyer" was my conscience.
It was a combination of tranquilizers, severe depression and guilt.
Mighty
Oak
As I stroll along lives twisted path,memories
fall all about me, as do the leaves from a
mighty
old Oak.
Vibrant hues; as vivid as yellow of
suns' passionate kiss, as warm and
comforting as the soft shades
of
umber, burning as deeply as
flame reds ablaze... fluttering
gracefully down from the highest
branches of
my mind.
Obstacles which precede each step,
slowing my journey as I stop to admire
them... yet feeling
the urgency to move on,
knowing that I must not dwell too long on
thier life past.
Hesitantly, I step
to the side and continue
on,careful not to tread upon the delicate
fibres of which they were weaved.
Having begun
the slow process of
returning to the earth, nourishing
the soil to make way for the new, I feel
thier pain.
How
they must sadly mourn; struggling in
desperation for the security they once felt...
memories as vague as faded dreams.
Longing
for the one from which they drew
strength; the one who gave them life;
their Beautiful, Mighty Oak.
"Executive"
Decision
Trained to be strong, to overcome objection.
"Go out" They tell me "Do whatever it takes!
We've
given the tools; no excuse for rejection."
For those whom we pray on, my heart truly aches.
"Your training
was costly, don't make it a waste.
You're part of the team now, you're here to stay!
Just make sure they sign; do it
with haste...
who cares if they eat, as long as they pay!"
"With strength and conviction; control you demand.
They
know who death is, they know that's he's near.
You'll have no regrets, for the money is grand...
you play on emotion;
you exploit their fear!"
A sweet grandma approaches; my victim she'll be.
What I'm to sell her, she could
never afford.
"Thank you so much dear!" she says to me...
as she hands me a mint; my guilt filled reward.
An
executive income is within easy reach...
But to profit from tragedy, can I truly rejoice?
Being a role model, just what
would that teach?
The answer is clear, there's really no choice...
I refuse to manipulate in the name of self
gain,
so I add to my vault of foresaken dreams to date.
I'll gracefully bowout while my dignity remains,
as moral
dilema seals my impoverished fate.
Let's just say I'm not cut out for the Corporate world
and all it "has
to offer" ;)
My Vow
Look deep inside... no longer see past
me, nor at the superficial
layers of this
mortal shell which encases me.
Judge me not by societies shallow
standards; but by the beauty within.
Let
us weave together our weaknesses
with one anothers strengths; knitting
the fibres which bind our love; our lives.
Open
yourself to me, as I have you.
Trust in me, as I have trusted in you.
I look deep inside... admiring; respecting
the
person you've become. Take my hand
in yours; walking side by side, as we begin
our journey as one. My love for you
will
never fade... as I see the beauty within.
Mortal Crime
Your
beautiful spirit; in me, shines bright.
Generous and forgiving; a truly rare find.
Through burdens you carry; my load
made light.
Unconditional love... to my faults you are blind.
Much sorrow to you; life has brought,
doing
for others; never seeking self gain.
Wearing a smile; no self pity sought...
though heavily inflicted with unfair pain.
To
you, all these things I've been meaning to say.
Precious Mother, I love you; of you I'm so proud.
I'll tell you tomorrow,
for I've no time today...
prolonging these words, to my heart; death shroud.
This loving praise now falls
on deaf ears...
as I speak to your casket; with regret filled tears.
Guardian
Angel
His eyes as dark as Ebony,
a smile that warms my heart.
I cherish the day he entered my life.
I
pray we never part.
My life once filled with emptiness,
happiness not mine to be known,
until the
day my Angel appeared;
into my heart he had flown.
A kiss from his lips,the touch of his hand,
was more
than I had sought.
Then my Angel spread his wings,
around my soul they wrap;
with a vow from him to love and protect;
that's
what my Angel has brought.
Storms of Burden
Lazily stretching;
my winter pale skin
caressed by the magnificent warmth of
early summer's sun. Cradled in the
security of my confines;my
own private
sanctuary.
Blind to the harshness of humanity long
forgotten, taking for granted the
blessing's
so generously bestowed on me.
Off on the distant horizon, I gaze upon the
dark circles
of Heaven's weary eyes.
Saddened by the endless burden of unkind
cruelty and selfish disarray of those
she has
so endlessly kept loving watch
over.
Suddenly,as if to give a gentle warning
not to be too
content in my own self
involvement and ignorance, she swiftly
moves closer; letting loose a thunderous
bellow
filled with anger and mourning.
As if an attempt to cleanse the soils of
inhumanity;
if only for moment's sake;
she sheds her tears upon the earth, as she
sadly opens her eyes... and mine.
Forever
Friend
From the moment we first met,
Lifes plan had taken control.
Somewhere deep within...
your reach
had touched my soul.
Time spent together, the love we share;
these are the
bonds with drew us near.
My love for you grows with each passing day.
Once vague intentions now become clear.
As fate has seen to entwine our lives;
an eternity together
we now hold.
As you wrap me gentley in your warmth,
I know it's with you that I wish to grow old.
When all is said, when these days are done;
as this
life draws to it's end...
in the next, I'll wait for you Shaun,
my husband, my lover; my forever friend.
Copyright
©2004 Robyn Marie White-Geurts
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